by Krysta Gibson

We all have multiple relationships of many different kinds. From the moment of conception, we are energetically tied to another human being and from that time onward our lives are interwoven with that of others. The way we relate to other people has a lot to do with the degree of happiness and satisfaction we have in our lives so it makes sense to try to relate in a positive way.

This, of course, isn't always easy to do. Some people think that if only they meet their soul mate, all will be well. Life will suddenly take on a rosy hue and all the bumps in our path will suddenly become smooth. Not true, of course. A soul mate is someone we are bonded with at the soul level and with whom we have unfinished business, and that is not always of a positive nature!

Soul mates don't just appear in the romantic realm, either. We can have parents, siblings, bosses, staff, and friends who are soul mates. And these relationships can be stormy or serene.

Although I don't consider myself a relationship expert, I have certainly had a lot of different kinds of relationships in my life, some long-term and others shorter, and I have experienced and witnessed some things that seem to support positive relationships as well as some things that can injure them.

Here are a few tips I can share.

Give up the need to be right, even when you know you are! This is one of most important things we can do in any relationship. By not having to be right, we open space in the relationship for new information and energy to flow. This allows us to really listen to and receive another person. When two people do this in the relationship, it allows a new dimension to form. Instead of you and me, it can become us.

This can be tricky if the relationship is one at work and the discussion is happening with someone who works for you. How could they be right and not you? They can be. Great bosses know they don't know everything. Many wonderful ideas have flowed from employees to managers. Allow that the other person might have some information you don't have and be open to the possibility that they are right.

This posture of giving up the need to be right puts a new aura of respect into any relationship. Allowing the idea that the other person could be right instead of you, tells that person that you respect them and their life history. Respect goes a long way towards forging a great relationship.

Look for similarities instead of differences and be willing to compromise. We're all a lot more alike than we care to admit. When we can find the places where we are the same as other people, we can build from that base to then go on to accept and appreciate our differences. Far too often, we focus on our differences, especially in closer relationships where preferences come into sharper focus. One person might like to travel a lot and the other doesn't. One might enjoy eating out a lot while the other would rather stay home and cook.

In the first example, maybe there are ways to compromise. The place where the two people agree is on taking some time away from work. Focus on that aspect where you agree; you both want some time off work. Then figure out ways to do this that satisfies both parties. Take some vacations where you travel. But take others where you stay close to home and enjoy short day trips or even just hang around the house and read or play.

In the second example, both people probably enjoy trying new foods. Focus on that enjoyment and then work out ways to enjoy some different foods both in restaurants as well as cooking at home.

Stay away from black and white thinking. This is a sure-fire way to have disagreeements and troubles. Statements such as "You always....." or "You never...." set the stage for bickering. What is probably true is "You usually..." or "You sometimes....". The other person is far more likely to listen when each gives some wiggle room for the other's behavior, ideas, or preferences.

Remember, there is no perfect relationship. Television and movies have led us to believe that there is one person with whom we can have the perfect relationship. If we only find this one person, we can have a blissfully happy life. What a huge expectation to put on another person or on a relationship. I have known people with wonderfully loving and happy relationships who had plenty of differences and plenty of bumps in the road. Their relationships are perfectly imperfect.

Giving breathing room for the relationship to be alive with ups and downs allows us to be real, to be human with all our imperfections. And it lets the other people in our lives be their gloriously imperfect selves as well.

Remember love. Too often, love is seen as an emotion where we feel positive about the other person. Real love is much more than feelings. It is a commitment about how we view and treat other people. It is more about our actions and thoughts instead of only warm feelings. I left love to the last because this is obviously the basis of positive relationships of all kinds. When we remember to love unconditionally, relationships become much easier because they are not based on simple human thoughts and feelings.

There's a lot more that can be written about relationships. There are even a few articles in this issue of New Spirit Journal that talk about this more. Spend some time exploring the nuances of your various relationships and see where you could improve your approach to others instead of always expecting them to change their approach to you!

Krysta is the publisher of New Spirit Journal and is also an author and teacher. Learn more about her at www.krystagibson.com.